BE Irresitible

I fell over.

Over and over again.

First to the right.

Then to the left.

Even face forward.

Dammit.

I have no balance.

In my head I do.

Why won’t my body do what I want?

And here comes the internal dialogue…

You should’ve known better.

What are we doing here.

What were you thinking.

You don’t have to do this.

It’s easier to laugh it off and say I tried.

BUT... it’s been THREE WEEKS.

Have you forgotten why we’re here?

That it has nothing to do with dance,

and everything to do with healing?

Have you ALSO forgotten what you’ve been through?

Yes, perhaps we have forgotten….

And removed the grace required for this healing mission.

I stand there, hands to face, refusing to cry.

Taking a deep breath.

Feeling weak.

Weak in my body,

and weary in my soul.

This is the moment I’ve prepared for.

The moment I knew would come.

And it comes with vengeance.

I want to quit.

I want it to be easy.

I don't want to DO THIS.

But in this moment I know-

This is the resistance I’ve been training for.

What I set out to conquer.

Conquering means many things…

And it isn't about pushing through no matter the cost.

No.

That’s not it.

Not at all.

It’s about seeing resistance for what it is.

It means I’m doing the work.

It means I’M EFFING DOING IT.

It means I’m doing what I know I need to do.

In the face of obstacles,

hesitancy,

fear,

insecurity…

It shows up as procrastination,

the world crashing in around,

believable stories my mind tells…

Offering the easy way out.

Or so it seems easy.

But I know all too well that’s a lie.

Quitting means I go back to where I started,

and show up as a wrecking ball in my life.

Standing there,

squeezing my eyes closed,

pinching the bridge of my nose…

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry….

DO. NOT. CRY.”

Shaky breathing, she says to me-

“Take your left shoe off.”

WHAT.

I have carried these damn shoes around for over two decades and hell bent on coming back here.

I am NOT taking this shoe off.

“Take your left shoe off…

Your foot needs more space.”

So with one shoe on and the other off…

I tried.

The very first try in a bare left foot,

I stayed upright.

One shift.

That’s what it took.

Another view.

A new and different view.

Mind you-

I still fall over.

But let’s remember why I’m here in the first place.

Healing.

Strength.

A relationship that MUST mend.

My body and my mind have to rebuild.

So we start here,

where they must trust each other to give what the other needs.

When life is too much,

and there is so much mud below and clouds above….

Find your strength.

Know who you are,

where you come from,

and don’t forget all of how you got here.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Steady and strong as the blue sky.

Don’t lose sight of it.

Be grounded here.

When things are hard,

when you’re grounded in yourself,

when resistance happens…

BE irresistible.

Perhaps it means you’re doing the work.💕